“More Like Guidelines, Than Actual Rules”

 Photo Jun 14, 5 18 02 PM (1)

by @DimTillard

  • The Clubhouse is the sacred place where every player learns the etiquette of baseball.  Protocol in baseball is important.
  • On and off the field, new “regulations” are discovered everyday, and no one player knows them all.  A Minor League player is privileged to be in such a distinguished club, and must adhere to the “code”.
  • In no particular order…

Catchers must be able to throw a good knuckleball and restring gloves. (seems to be a right of passage for some)

If you’re five minutes early, you’re ten minutes late. (be on time)

All Latino players are limited to two squirts of “perfume” before game. (smells good, but 3 is too many)

Shirts are mandatory for pre– and –post game spread. (no taco meat near the spread table) (this is strictly upheld in court)

Use baby powder in moderation. (you’re not Lebron)

The girl you’ve just met, doesn’t sit behind the net. (or bullpen)

Players must know who The Famous San Diego Chicken is. (The giant orange and neon yellow traveling act is synonymous with baseball, and deserves respect)

Never use or “borrow” someone else’s shower shoes. (you don’t know where they’ve been)

Mentioning a teammates no-hitter in progress is prohibited. (in contrast, players are encouraged to remind the opposing pitcher of his potential no-hit bid)

One must never brazenly put their hand into someone else’s glove. (a nod or verbal permission is required)

Pitchers cannot pick up home run balls. (it is for a coach or position player) (if neither are present, it is to be left untouched)

Should a teammate or coach wear the wrong color hat or jersey for the game, no player is to tell them about it. (the mistaken teammate or coach can only be told after the National Anthem)

You look good, you play good. (this is relevant before a game, when a player is caught looking in the mirror a large number of times)

At least one piece of clothing is required before entering hot tub. (preferably shorts) (enter cold tub at your own risk)

Clubhouse barber must never charge for his services. (however, gratuity is encouraged)

Bullpen pitchers are to remind all nagging children that the OTHER team’s bullpen is giving away free baseballs. (this is incredibly fun)

Every player eventually will admit that hearing “Y.M.C.A.” three times a day, is indeed the most difficult thing in baseball. (“it’s NO fun to stay at the…“)

Treat the game right. (a player must know baseball was here before them, and will be here after them)

Never say, “Man, this game’s going by fast”. (once this phrase is uttered, the game will certainly come to a screeching halt)

When putting eye black in someone’s hat for a prank, make sure it’s a teammate with “grape skin“. (pranking a guy with “rhino skin” is not as enjoyable)

Players 25 years and under must stay out of the training room.

Players 29 and older MUST report to the training room when they arrive at the field.

Never, under any circumstance, is Nickelback allowed to be played in the clubhouse. (this needs no explaining)

“You realize if we played by the rules right now we’d be in gym?” 

*6 of 16*

4 thoughts on ““More Like Guidelines, Than Actual Rules”

  1. The “free baseballs” trick is classic! High fives all around the bullpen when the other pitchers look your way after being nagged by the offenders. What to do when it’s used on you?

    Liked by 1 person

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